


You're the love of my life, even if you don't know

by Xenia



Series: Finding my way back to you [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenia/pseuds/Xenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story starts when Felicity Thea and Diggle arrive at the hospital after Laurel was stabbed and goes from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're the love of my life, even if you don't know

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a rewrite of the final scenes of 4x18. I added my take on Oliver's thoughts in those terrible moments.  
> As usual English isn't my first language, I don't have a beta reader so if you find any mistake please feel free to point them out to me.

\- Oliver? –  
Someone called him and Oliver interrupted his pacing to see who it was. Felicity was walking toward him. She hugged him. Having her there for him, hugging him should have been comforting, especially after the tense atmosphere between them in the last months, since William’s kidnapping. But it didn’t feel comforting, it felt like being trapped, her perfume was too strong and he felt like choking.  
\- Laurel? Is she… - She asked.  
\- She’s in surgery. Uhm I don’t know – He answered.  
Not knowing if she was going to survive was torture. He kept telling himself that she was going to get better and he would have the chance to tell her how much she meant to him. But the truth was that he didn’t know. And telling others that he didn’t know made it all more real. As long as he was alone with his thought he could believe in them, but now in front of his friends he ws forced to face the reality. And the chance that Laurel would die was pretty high.  
\- I’ve tried calling Lance… - He added and then – What happened with Dahrk? – He asked then.  
\- He’s in the wind along with fifty or so inmates. – Thea said.  
\- And Andy – Diggle said. – You warned me, and I didn’t listen. I’ll never be able to forgive myself. –  
In every other moment Oliver would have told him that it wasn’t his fault, that if it had been his own brother he probably would have done the same thing. He would have told him that it was hard to believe that a brother, a father, a mother could betray in such a big way. Three years ago Oliver himself hadn’t wanted to believe that his mother was involved in the Undertaking, Tommy hadn’t wanted to believe that about his father either, even if he had direct experience of the kind of person Malcolm was. Diggle had just got Andy back from the dead and Oliver understood why he did what he did, he wasn’t mad at Diggle, he didn’t blame him for Laurel being hurt. It wasn’t Diggle’s fault.  
But in that moment he couldn’t. Cause there was a part of him, a small mean part of him, that did blame Diggle for what had happened to Laurel. Oliver had warned him and Diggle hadn’t listened and now his brother had betrayed them and Laurel was fighting for his life.  
Oliver looked at his friend, at loss of what to say, and right in that moment Laurel was brought in the room on a stretcher.  
Oliver’s heart skipped a beat. She was so pale, she had dark circles around their eyes and she looked very weak. His heart clenched in pain and fear. She was out of surgery but from the look of it had been a close call.  
\- Just out of recovery. She’s gonna be fine. It’s a strong woman your friend. – the doctor said and Oliver tore his eyes from Laurel to look at her.  
She seemed honestly convinced that Laurel was going to make it and Oliver let himself relax a bit.  
\- The strongest. – Felicity said.  
\- She’s been asking for you. – the doctor said. 

 

\- Hi. – Laurel said.  
Her voice was so weak, barely audible. Oliver closed his eyes, trying to be strong and to keep the tears inside. The doctor has said that she was going to be fine, but her voice was so weak and it looked like talking required a great effort. And he couldn’t bare to see his Laurel, his strong beautiful Laurel, so weak and hurt.  
\- Hey yourself. – Thea said.  
\- Did Dahrk… - Laurel started to ask.  
And here she was. His Laurel. The woman who couldn’t help worrying for her city even when she was hurt and had almost died. Oliver almost smiled.  
\- Don’t worry about him. – Felicity said. – Just worry about getting better.  
Laurel took a deep breath and when she talked her voice was even weaker than before.  
\- It’s not exactly how I wanted my last night to go… -  
\- What are you talking about? – Diggle asked.  
Oliver had been so relieve when she had decided to hang the mask and become the District Attorney. He was so glad that she was going to be safer. That she was going to stop running around with a mask at night. She had made up her mind and he should have stopped her from going with them to Iron Highs. If he had maybe now she wouldn’t be in an hospital bed hurt and dangerously close to die.  
\- I was going to give up being the Black Canary, but I realized I didn’t know how I could, because going out there and fighting alongside you guys, it’s what makes me feel alive inside. And I love you guys so much. – Laurel said.  
Oliver blinked a couple of times. Her words sounded like a goodbye. But they couldn’t be, cause the doctor had said that she was going to be fine.  
Everyone said that they loved her, but Oliver couldn’t.  
He loved her, he loved her so much that it hurt. And he wanted to tell her those words knowing that she would know that he really meant them with all his heart and forever. He didn’t just love her, he was in love with her. And he would not say “I love you” until after telling her that he was still in love with her.  
\- We should probably let you get some rest. – Thea said  
\- We’ll be right outside, okay? – Felicity said. 

 

After everybody left Laurel looked at him.  
\- You should probably get some rest too. – she said.  
Did she really think that he would leave her alone? After almost loosing her did she really think that he would leave her?  
\- Not a chance. I’m gonna stay right here. – Oliver said.  
There wasn’t any chance that he would let her out of his sight again. Not tonight not ever. The memory of her blood on his hands, of her breath going progressively more shallow, her skin colder was still too fresh in his mind. He needed to be close to her, to hear her breathing, to watch her heartbeat on the monitor. He wouldn’t be able to get any rest outside of that room cause he would always fear that she would die without him at her side.  
\- There’s something… - she coughed a little trying to catch her breath – in my left pouch. Can you bring it to me? –  
\- Yeah. – He said and then once he had it he asked - May I?-  
\- Yeah. – she said.  
He looked at it and saw the picture she’d given him when he left with the Gambit, the picture that had kept him alive on the island. Looking at that picture he suddenly remembered how fundamental Laurel had been for his survival. Without that picture, without his love for her, without the hope of coming back and make things right to her, he wouldn’t have survived. Suddenly he wondered how could he think that Felicity was more important than Laurel? He thought he wanted to marry Felicity and now he couldn’t even imagine how he had come to such an idiotic conclusion. Laurel was the one, his mother’s ring was always meant to her finger, how could he think otherwise was beyond him. And Oliver hated that it took him almost losing Laurel to finally figure out his feelings.  
\- You kept this. – He said, his voice breaking.  
\- Yeah. Just a little reminder of when things used to be simpler for us, the way we used to be…-  
Oliver blinked. Things were surely simpler back then, but they weren’t better. He was an irresponsible playboy, so scared of commitment that the had cheated on the love of his life again and again. Things weren’t good back then, but they would be different now.  
\- I’m really glad that you found Felicity and I hope you find your way back to her… -  
Oliver’s heart dropped. If she was glad that he found Felicity it could only mean that she had moved on from him and there wasn’t any chance for them to get back together. She wasn’t going to give him another chance and he couldn’t blame her for that, he surely wouldn’t give himself another chance after all the pain he’d caused her.  
But he wanted to tell her that he wasn’t glad that he found Felicity, he was glad that he found Laurel when they were both children. He wanted to tell her that he didn’t want to find his way back to Felicity. He wanted to find his way back to her, he wanted Laurel to find her way back to him. All he wanted was for her to get better and to forgive him. But she was still talking.  
\- and, Ollie, I know I’m not the love of your life, but you will always be the love of mine. – \- Why are you telling me this? Why now – he asked.  
And then he cursed himself. Of all the things he could say, of her the things he should say why did he chose that? Instead of asking why, he should have told her that she was wrong. That she was the love of his life and that he wanted her back. He couldn’t imagine his life without her, he didn’t even want to consider living without her and that he had been foolish in thinking that he could be happy with someone who wasn’t her.  
\- Because tonight it was only a reminder that anything can happen, which is why I need you to promise me something…-  
And then everything went wrong, she started seizing and all the monitors went crazy.  
Doctors rushed into the room and Thea and the others followed them. And they were left there watching Laurel's life fading away.  
But she couldn’t die. She couldn’t. Or could she?


End file.
